Starting a Masters, and AHH!!
I’ve been absent from my website for a while, so I thought it was time to bring back some thoughts as I currently sit in the Black Sheep Lounge sipping on my fruity tea (thanks Lucas!!).
If you were to approach me at the beginning of 2019, I felt so cool, calm and collected. I felt like I had my life all figured out. I got accepted to a great school for my masters, I completed my undergraduate studies, moved back home, and worked two fantastic jobs over the summer teaching children how to stand up paddle and the front desk at my favourite gym.
Then September came…
I applied to Brock in December of 2018, so I could not believe that the time to start my masters was actually happening. The first two weeks of school were super stressful and I will never sugarcoat that. I felt excited to start my masters and more so scared because of the list of requirements that were laid out in front of us during our first lecture. The worst feeling I experienced was sadness, mostly because I missed my old university and classmates so much. I basically went into Brock with a completely fresh start. I felt like a first year again, wandering the halls not knowing where to go. I missed the familiarity of Waterloo and questioned why I decided to go to Brock in the first place.
Am I okay now? The answer to that is YES.
The struggle of those first two weeks have led me to so much happiness. Happiness in the fact that I have once again landed back in a place of struggle, and figuring out what to do with my life. But that is OKAY. I can now look back and understand that the struggle (a.k.a. the journey) is truly worth it. I kind of like not knowing where I am going to end up again. I find fun and creativity in the mystery of my future. So many friends and family ask… “What will your masters help you do in the future? Where do you want to work?”. I always just smile and say “I’ve got ideas…”.
I recently decided on a Masters thesis research topic and I cannot wait to share it with you in the near future. It will combine my passions for stand up paddling, the environment and outdoor education. It will also be taking me somewhere far away for research which I cannot disclose yet.
I wanted to write about this experience quickly, because I want other students to know that is is OKAY to go through a struggle for a little bit. It is OKAY to feel like your life’s map may be a little difficult to read sometimes, because you may never know where you will end up. This recent struggle that I had gone through taught me that there is beauty in the difficult moments, so just embrace them as hard as it may be and keep your head up.